Bile Duct Diary XIX

17 May, 2009

Things are moving on, and it is time for a new diary. On the medical side…..(I will leave this to the bare minimum)……The first drug trial didn’t slow the advancement of the cancer, and in fact the review of recent scans has shown a stronger profile of a new tumour on my spine. They were planning to begin the 2nd trial, but I had a strong reaction to the chemicals, and there is also now a better chance to slow the advancement by attacking the new spinal tumour with a procedure called a ‘tumour block’. Previously this didn’t seem a possible option because the scans were not conclusive. The second tumour is close to the spinal cord, so they need to be careful about collateral damage. So, I spent a few days in hospital getting back to normal levels of kidney and liver function and building stamina. Now I am at home doing the same. The tumour block should be completed in a week or so pending availability of the surgeon. If that helps my body adjust to the pain levels and build strength for further drug trials, the oncology team have some further treatment trials up their sleeves.

I suppose what has opened up before me in the last few months is the sheer breadth of the cancer world…..the researchers, the drug companies, the medical staff, the patients, hospital administrators, etc. and likewise the range of mental states and interventions one has to prepare to make an impact against this disease. When I am at the Marsden Hospital, I am drawn into this world and I greatly admire all the effort and time the staff put into tackling cancer. We are all in the dark, but committed to learning and keeping our heads above water. And this is a powerful experience living it day by day.

Then there is the transition back to home. This seems like real life with friends and real experiences, and for a time cancer can be put behind me. Here it seems possible to ration the ‘cancer thoughts’ because there are so many distractions, and I like to be able to plan a future that includes work and more activities for the healthy me to be getting on with.

Many of you reading this will have also attended the Festschrift that my Tavistock colleagues organised for me on 1st May. Beforehand, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have so many people representing different aspects of my life together in one place. I wanted some liquid amber to pour over us all so the event would be preserved forever. It’s just sad that life moves on to its inevitable conclusion whatever that may be. I think it was just that juxtaposition of the ‘work me’ and the ‘personal me’ that had such a powerful impact on me and left me with so many new associations and memories that it will take me months to work though all of them again. I was also struck by the richness of the language…the examples and metaphors and poetic images that people chose to express themselves about my life. This was very moving and I expect this aspect will be very comforting as I face the next chapter of my life. Thank you again to all of you who took part.

If you'd like to see Briony's photographs from the Festshrift please go to this link: http://gallery.me.com/brionycampbell#100192
You will be asked for a username and password - put david (no caps) for both and you will be able to view and download all the images. It's easier than it sounds!

That should bring all of you up to date for the next month. Enjoy the spring blossom.

Love David (and Jane)